Beloved Betrayed Chapter Six

It had been a while since I felt the sensation of a hangover. Well, a real one, anyway. I licked my own asperous lips as I lay curled up beneath an itchy, unsanitary motel comforter. My face adhered to my bed, my jaw slightly slacked, my mind kept creeping back to Frank and his new lover boy. The darkness of musty blankets made it impossible to recognize the time of day, but I did know that morning had long passed. I didn't see myself wanting to move anytime soon.

Numb. A pattern of numbness had developed within these passing, Frank-less weeks. My brain endlessly told me to move on, to better myself. My brain told me that I could find love again and that despite everything, I could live without Frank if I really tried. However, my heart begged to differ. Was it really time for me to say good bye to Frank forever?

I remember every moment so vividly. I remembered everything I did wrong, and how I wouldn't stop myself from doing it. Oh, these thoughts are really killing me...

Calm; the only sound in the room was the subtle buzz from the air conditioning until loud knocks interupted every thought flying through my head. I hated the idea of getting up, actually moving my plastered face seemed nearly impossible. Though i no longer wanted to wallow within these terrifying thoughts. Struggling, I rolled myself off the bed and crashed onto the floor. The quick shock of pain in my side momentarily removed my mind from that of the pain buldging from my temples. My eyes shifted to the small, black alarm clock on the nightstand; 1:00 pm. Great.

"Just a minute" I barely managed. It was a fuss to get my jeans back on as I stumbled to the door. My hair left in its terrible condition; like I had even cared what I looked like. "Can I help you?" I asked politely, my voice still hoarse.

A short, deep brown haired man appeared before me. His hair was jelled back, and his red and white hotel uniform was stitched with the hotel's name. The Golden name plate stuck to his chest read "Stephen". "Yes, sir. I have a delivery for you." He held out a rectangular, green plastic case. I took it from Stephen, and I thanked him for it. "No problem, sir. The man who gave this to me told me to deliver it to you with urgency. It must be pretty important."

I held the green plastic in my hands, it was translucent enough for me to be able to see the round, compact disc that stuck inside. Hand written lettering scaddered down the sides, in which I could not read it. The larger hand writing on the very top was much easier to see; "LeATHERMOUTH". "Thanks, stephen."

The room was once again silent; withdrawals came to me quickly from the sudden lack of human contact. But that was because this time, I was so unsure who I'd be able to speak to next. Frank had been all I had left after all of my other friends left Jersey to make something out of themselves. I still kept my job at the local Coffee Shop, my parents payed half my rent. What exactly did I make out of myself?

i gazed around the room with half lidded, impatient eyes. I half wondered where I could listen to the CD, and half wondered if it was worth the risk of vomitting from all of this sudden movement. Finally, the silver electronics ontop of the television appeared to be a cable box and a DVD layer; perfect for a makeshift CD player. I took a good look at the CD once I took it out of its case. The disc was blue, one you could probably buy at any office supply store. The titles were so sloppy, but I was able to make out the frighteningly recognizable hand writing. There were only two song titles, written in what appeared to be a deep red Sharpie.

The songs began to play. The man's voice was harsh, I couldn't determin most of the words. I could feel the sharp beats the sides of my head had been creating; I rubbed my fingers to my skull and flinched at the sound. My shaking hand reached up to the DVD played and skimmed the "Power" button; it was glowing, perhaps moking me. Suddenly, I recognized some of the words spewing out of the small speakers on each side of the player. "I am my own bomb, I am my own slave. I hate my life now, and all of this is because of you. I wanna die, I hate myself." My dry throat wouldn't allow me to swallow a gulp.

Wincing, afraid, I changed the song. The mans voice was still the same, the somewhat of a scream it had been in the previous song. I still couldn't make out the lyrics. Who would bring me this?

"This face means nothing,
These hands feel nothing,
These lungs are empty,
These eyes are blind.
This face means nothing,
these hands feel nothing.
But i'm still here, and this heart is yours.
Our love never dies"

I pounded my fist against the "eject" button and threw the disc at the flowered wallpaper adorning the walls, it fell to the floor in three cracked peices. I could feel tears pinching violently against the back of my eyes. Those lyrics made me realize but one thing; my heart still beat for Frank. It will never beat for anyone else no matter how hard I try. Why would they do this to me? I sunk to the floor; shrinking into complete oblivion. What a mistake I've made.

Until I noticed the small, white piece of paper resting by my nose on the floor; partially beneath the CD case.

---

The slapping of my Chuck Taylor's on concrete has never been so loud. I couldn't tell if it was because of the hang over, or because it was such a forceful run.

He wasn't at his appartment. None-the-less, I was going to appolgize this time, this time it was going to be right; spontanious. Where could he be? It had only been two months since our last real conversation. He couldn't have stray too far away from our ideals.

I knew where Frank was.

Sand lay calmly beneath the pale horizon. The sky in an overcast, so few people had been there; just older men with metal detectors. The beach on a rainy day had been a favorite between Frank and I. We kept that secret close; it was something only the two of us truely understood how special it felt. The air lay in that certain dew point, the sand was almost damp at the perfect temperature beneath your toes. The water brushing your feet sent chills up your spine, but not as great of a chill as the one walking beside you could send.

Seeing Frank sitting in the sand almost made my heart melt. he remembered. I stood on the wooden walkway before the beach began. I could see his hair perfectly disordered, his Converse lay limp beside him. I removed my shoes, tied the laces together and threw them over my shoulders. I clutched the small piece of paper in my hand.

"Frank?" I asked, "I need to talk to you."

Sniffles emerged from his nose as Frank wiped his face on the back of his hand, "Yeah, sure Gerard." He looked at me. The glassiness of his teary hazel eyes could've killed me.

"Frankie, you don't understand." I sat beside him and carelessly rested my arms on my knees; mimicing Frank.

"Gerard, I love you and all, you know I do." He turned away, "but, I trusted you with everything, and you crushed that. You left me with nothing."

"These two months without you have killed me so much. I'm nothing without you, Frank. Even my own mother has barely spoken to me. You've left me without anybody." Emotions of all kinds hitched in my throat, "Atleast you have that red haired boy to keep you company."

He stayed quiet for a moment, trying to think of the right response. "I love you. I wouldn't let anything get in the way of us..." He stood, but didn't move, "I guess I can't say the same for you."

"But that's what I've been meaning to tell you!" I shot up, enthused. "Bert lied! all of it! it was a complete misunderstanding, I wasn't even drunk. We didn't do anything."

"Gerard, really...I'm glad to hear that." He lifted his Chucks and placed them over his shoulders just as I had them, motioning for me to follow.

"Now tell me, who was that guy I saw you with?"

"We really just started dating a little over a week ago, but I then I saw you." He confessed, "I knew it was you. I broke up with Henry after seeing you. So many feelings hit me so fast and so hard. I couldn't hand it..."

I stopped Frank abruptly, and wrapped my arms around him. I breathed in the sweet smell of cigarettes and Axe. I smiled as he returned the gesture; hugging me tighter than I had been.

"It was me. Gerard, I sent you that CD." I loosened by grip enough to look at him, "I followed you to your hotel last night, and I told the man at the counter to have this delivered to your room sometime the next day." He smiled proudly, "I wrote and recorded it with the help of a few of my friends here in L.A., I wrote those two songs about you. So i burnt them onto a disc"

"This is just one big mess, Frank." Tears slid down my cheeks, "I just want to be with you again, our love needs another chance. Through everything; running from bullies at school, or holidays with each other's families. Frank, we're two hearts beating for the same love." His face glistened with tracks of tears. "Why do we have to throw it all away?"

He brushed both of his gentle hands against my face, "Who said we had to?"  Our lips met for the first time in what felt like forever. They fit together so perfectly. The passion behind it grew with the kiss, I don't think either of us wanted to part.

"I need to stay." I whispered into his ear.

"With me, I hope." Frank giggled.

"like there would be anyone else."

For the first time since i had seen it, the small piece of paper floated to the ground.

Gee, my heart only beats for you.
I love you. xo, Frankie